Wednesday, July 30, 2008
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER
This is the ONLY advice you need to follow if you suspect your man is cheating on you.
You think your man is cheating on you. The thought has at least crossed your mind. Something he may have said, or done, may have sparked a little doubt in your mind the he is being loyal.
It is far too easy in this situation to say " No, he's not like that," or " he wouldn't do that to me."
Let me tell you: He could, he can, and he will.
When you start suspecting your man is cheating on you, this is your female intuition raising a huge RED FLAG. You need to listen to what you think deep down in your gut, because this is the voice of truth that you NEED to hear and listen to.
12 tell-tale signs that he's cheating on you:
He's broke because all of his cash is going to the other woman.
He's been putting you down lately or picking fights with you (this is a tactic they use to ease their guilt).
They get defensive if you question where they've been or ask about females that he has been spending time with.
The first thing he does when he gets home is take a shower.
He has all of a sudden been meticulous with keeping his physical appearance up.
He doesn't have a lot of time for you, and he may have told you he's "working late" on many occasions.
He goes out at night, a lot. He may use the out with "buddies" excuse. When he's out, his phone is off, and goes straight to voicemail.
He's been getting a lot of calls/texts lately. He may act like he's in a rush to get off the phone.
He puts a password on his phone.
He hasn't put a password on his phone and you notice a lot of unknown numbers. (Beware, men will list their other women as businesses or names of men so you won't second-guess the calls).
Your sex life is non-existent
He asks you where you are all of the time. You think he's being concerned. The reality is... he's making sure he won't get caught in the act.
If any of the above behaviors ( or anything else you may feel is "sketchy" has been happening for an extended period of time, its likely that he is cheating on you. I don't recommend confronting him off the bat. He will lie. Men lie through their teeth because the last thing they want is to be confronted by a female.
10 things you can do to INVESTIGATE if you expect he's been cheating on you:
1. Closely monitor his phone activity and take notes. If he answers calls around you, does he act rushed to hang up with the person? Can you tell if its a female? If you have access to his phone and can go through it without him knowing, DO IT. Take note of all of the names and numbers in his phone book. Write down all incoming, outgoing, and missed calls. Make sure you notate the times and length of calls. If you're lucky enough to have the password to his voicemail. Check his messages from your phone often. If he doesn't keep his voicemail password protected, check his messages from his phone. Keep the following in mind: He might clear his call logs out ( a clear sign that theres something going on that he doesn't want you to see), He may store the other woman as a business or under a male's name, so that you won't pick up on it. Question everything. If he keeps his phone password protected, that is a clear sign he is cheating.
2. After taking extensive notes over a period of time on his call activity, do you notice any trends? A lot of late night calls? A lot of calls to the same two or three numbers? Perhaps some really LONG phone calls? Any phone numbers that raise your suspicion, call them. If you get the voicemail and its a female voice, you've found the other woman. If you get an automated voicemail, keep calling back. If you can't get access to his phone, intercept his mail and take his phone bill. No, its not a charming thing to do, but he's lying to you and all bets are off, just do it.
3. Pay close attention to his car. Are the seats moved around? If the passenger seat has been moved, especially closer to the dash, then its likely he had a female riding with him. Turn the radio on. Is it tuned to a station different than it normally is? Check the CD player for any unrecognized discs, or for any romantic or sexy music. Is your man suddenly keeping air fresheners in his car? Make sure you look in the glove box, under the seats, on the seats, all through the back seat for any sex stains, female hairs, condoms, condom wrappers, stray underwear, or any other evidence of another female.
4. Check the pockets of his clothes frequently. Look for receipts that may indicate a purchase for another woman, look for condoms or condom wrappers, look for anything that might indicate his cheating. Also check his wallet. If you can get a hold of his bank statement and credit card bill, even better. Check for restaurant charges, movie theater charges, hotel charges, shopping charges, and so on.
5. Pay attention to how his guy friends are acting around you lately. Has there been a change? Do they seem a little uncomfortable around you now? Maybe a little avoidant? Keep in mind that when men are having an affair they usually brag to their buddies. They think they're slick that you're in the dark. Listen to his conversations with his friends, does it sound like they have a new string of inside jokes? Does anything sound amiss to you? Whenever possible, talk to his friends as much as possible. If you can, try to catch your man in a lie through gaining information from his friends. Please note that you cannot let his friends know you suspect him of cheating. Guys will always cover up for other guys. However, you can for example ask your mans friend "JIm" what he did this weekend ( when your man isn't around) if he says he took a road trip to Colorado Friday- Monday, you know that your man wasn't being honest when he told you he was with "Jim" on Saturday night.
6.If he calls and asks you where you are, or ask what your schedules going to be like, LIE. If he doesn't know where you really are at any given time, he has more of a chance of getting caught in the act. If you live together, and you can find time, drop by your house on break, at varying times of the day, even if he's suppossed to be at work. You may very well drop by the house at 2pm on a Monday, and catch him in the act because he wasn't expecting you to be there. You can also try dropping by his job once in a while. Try not to make your prescence known. Oh, was he out to lunch? Does he USUALLY take his lunch with him and work through his lunch hour? You might want to take a quick drive around the area and see if you spot his car at any local hotels, restaurants, bars, etc.
7. On a night that he's going out with his "buddies" try to follow him. You have to be really discreet. If you don't think you can follow him without having him realize it, have someone you trust follow him. Did he do what he told you he was doing? If he told you he was going to be at such and such a friends house, drop by there with an excuse like " I'm locked out of my house, is my man here?" If he isn't, boom, he's lying to you.
8. Pay close attention to how he functions in his relationship with you. When you ask him what he did today, or yesterday or what have you, is he over explanatory? Does he take a long time to think up what he did? Does he look to the left ( a signal he is lying), does he avoid contact? Has he been so busy lately that he doesn't have time for you? Has he stopped buying you things, taking you out for special nights, or has he been sleeping over less? Does he seem really stressed out when you try to talk to him? Have you been fighting a lot lately? Men who cheat find themselves in fights with their significant others because they are on edge as they know they are two timing, they become more and more defensive and guilty acting.
9. Stop initiating physical contact with him. Don't be a cold fish, but let him make the moves and observe. Is he as "hot and heavy" for you as he used to be? Does he tell you he loves you anymore? Is your sex life dwindling? Does he withdraw if you initiate contact? If you ARE still having sex with your man. Use protection, you don't know who this other woman is or where she has been.
10. After you have gathered enough evidence and are pretty damn sure there is a possibility that your man is cheating... DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
You may not have been lucky enough to catch him in the act, but if the signs are there, and your gut is correct, that is just as good. You can try to confront him, but very few men fess up. If you do confront him, do you believe his excuses? Listen to his gut.
Again, IF YOU THINK YOUR MAN IS CHEATING ON YOU HE PROBABLY IS.
Now some of you might be asking " Well I can't be 100% sure he is cheating on me, I don't feel right breaking up with him, innocent until proven guilty."
And my response is: If there are any signs that lead you to believe your man is cheating on you, you should leave him RIGHT now.
Are you going to wait until you find him and the other woman in your bed? Are you going to wait until he brings home a STD? Are you going to wait until he decides to leave you for her and you're left with no integrity?
If your man is being hot and cold, displaying sketchy behavior, is running around at all hours of the night doing god knows what, racking up numbers from women, getting his phone blown up by females...thats enough reason to leave him. I don't care if you have kids with this person, if your man is cheating YOU DO NOT GIVE HIM SECOND CHANCES What type of example would you be setting for these children if you took your man back? That its okay for men to act like this because women are so forgiving? Come on, you have more self-respect for yourself than that.
Giving your man a second chance only shows him what a sucker you are, and remember, once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.